Weezer fans were shocked this week when it was announced on the band’s website that Rivers Cuomo’s moustache had quit the band citing “creative differences.” Cuomo’s moustache joined the group back in early 2008 for the cover of the 6th studio cd, the Red Album, and received enthusiastic praise from nerdy rock fans throughout the country. As time passed, however, the novelty of this new member wore off, leaving the moustache feeling bitter and underappreciated.
In a recent press conference, the visibly distraught moustache said, “It’s like Rivers [Cuomo] only brought me into the group as some sort of freak act…we’ll [expletive] him with his silly glasses and his bad breathe…I’m done….oh and he once painted me gray just so he could see “what it would look like to be old”….he’s a sick man… No questions.”
The Moustache says its taking time off from the music business to be with its family indefinitely. As it left the press conference it tearfully said, ”People these days just don’t understand what my kind has been through…My parent’s grew up in a time when it meant something to be a moustache…but nowadays it seems like we’re the midget [little person] of the facial hair world.” He added “oh and that pork and beans song…I could have written that piece of shit… and I’m a moustache.”